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Anything At All Forever

by Paul Gonzenbach

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1.
Whatever we know and don't know leads us now to this: asking what you mean and leaning in to kiss. Light that binds your hands in knots. Light remembers what you forgot. And in the black marshes under pure white snow live the reasons why you left it far below. Light that stings just like a slingshot. Light that speaks in tongues and blood clots. Light that buries just what it wants to. Light that knows you better than you do.
2.
How many hours do I sit here aching to do what I do not do? How many days can I wait for answers to questions I've put to you? I wake and spend the last hours of darkness with no one but the moon. She hears my complaints like a good companion, but I know she has a life of her own. And now and then she turns away. She wants me to refold myself into my own dark water life. And bending close, she releases me. Will the rivers run upstream? Will the owl bite off its own wings? Will you pick up when I call you? Will you forgive me at last? And now and then she turns away. She wants me to refold myself into my own dark water life. And bending close, she releases me. And someday soon, we'll drink the sweetness of love in bloom, I promise you. Until that day, we shake our bones and lose our voice to the setting moon.
3.
Bird Bones 09:24
So true asleep, so small, so meek, so ask the stones, sometimes three or four there. Can you conceive the hearts that grieve, your mom or dad, as they watch these plantings? The comforts here of words sincere, simple, austere, like a pool of water, will take your breath, will make your bed, will cover all our sins today. If you can say the words you weigh and not betray, it helps the heart to bear it. When all that's right becomes what's wrong, that's when you throw it all away. When May is at its peak, the flowers seem to speak to me of rest and all that's left when summer's gone. The temporary glare, the sweetness in the air, hide the earthy smell of decay. So kiss me in the churchyard and hold my face so scarred and never mind the others round these common stones. So brother, can you feel the ribs beneath my skin? Will we ever start to heal, bones like birds that crack within? And brother, will I find your mouth touching mine, your tongue twisting sounds we hear all around? And is it safe to hold you here? Can we let go of that ancient fear? When all we have is this moment, can we keep the fear at bay? My brother, can you hear the swallows disappear, their empty nests cold in the leafless trees? And brother, you and I could make it to July and feel the winds rush through our brittle bones. Take a walk with me through the trees. It's an endless plea, from you to me. Take a moment here underneath the willow as we overhear the chatter of the crows.
4.
I keep it in my heart. If you only knew. If you only knew. I can't get past the start. It's never through. It's never through. There is no easy part. I know it's not true. I know it's not true. The seams have come apart. If you only knew. If you only knew. You bought me a house. You kept me free from harm. You only left the front door open. And even in the dark underneath the pines we saw where the owls were living. And later in the night when upstairs rattled, you would tell me, "Baby, it's nothing." So I'm still here thinking of you now, soaked in every candied color.
5.
Forever 06:57
We shake with joy. We shake with grief. Like words written in a dream, always trickling downstream, you might guess what I am, breathed in crumbling hologram. It's the last time we'll stall. It's the last time we'll call for your head. When I enter in alone, your eyes glistening like chrome, call my bluff. Love is tougher than your problems. Hanging in the heavy air, never said but always there, water on a river stone, God taketh his young lambs home.
6.
To have loved is everything. And I loved once: a song I heard trilling in the crisp morning air. To have grown a pair of wings like I have done and slipped the knot closer on a dare, is the way we talk about the things we've seen, the table for one and drinks for ten. It's easy to conceive. A letter from another life, a person you once were, a person that you haven't been in years. I know you once gave your word and broke it the first chance you got, bending in to me. On the roof I saw a bird, a thing alive with fire and song singing out the end, whispers of the waves. See it now pluck your heart from its home and resting place. See it place it back. See you become young again before I rattle out my blackened lungs again, crashing through the waves and wearing feathers and fins. Thanking you for gentle mercies. Thanking you for gentle mercies. Thanking you for gentle mercies. Thanking you for gentle mercies. It's uneven timing. It's the last thing I would see on an afternoon that was whispering of things unseen. And the pine trees like a brush painted up the sky. It's easy for you to see what was waiting there for me. And Tempest, who was alive then, came walking through the bog, his neck thick as an ox, his antlers parting through the fog, his three good feet padding on the softness beneath him. His fourth, from an old wound, tempest tempting. And I know he saw me for he gave me a long look, the kind of thing that only ever happens in books. What do the creatures know? What on earth can we be certain about? What then am I left with? What can I protect from flood and drought? In a week, he would be dead, arrowed down by a young man I like. In my house there are a hundred half-done songs. Each of us leaves an unfinished life. To have loved is everything. And I loved once: a song I heard trilling in the crisp morning air. To have grown a pair of wings like I have done and slipped the knot closer on a dare. I see you become young again before I rattle out my blackened lungs again, crashing through the waves and wearing feathers and fins. Thanking you for gentle mercies. Thanking you for gentle mercies. Thanking you for gentle mercies. Thanking you for gentle mercies.

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released September 14, 2016

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Paul Gonzenbach Seattle, Washington

lovers weekend records

seattle, washington

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