And so I quietly hung up, and I'm dreading the next phone call I take even if it's just from you. Whenever you're awake, I can't think of what to do with myself. It runs in my family. It's lodged in my brain. It's coursing through my veins. And so it doesn't really matter if the words I'm saying ever reach your ears or have any purpose at all. And always I'm ashamed of everything I've done and said. It runs in my family. It's lodged in my brain. It's coursing through my veins.
And even now I don't quite understand how it works. They fill in each other's emptiness, smooth out where it hurts. And you're not attracted to anyone who's attracted to you. No point in getting embarrassed like you normally do and beach yourself.
Who needs this? I can't say that things are going all that well. It fits my personality. I'm drawn into a world that you've created. And I am slowly realizing that I don't need it. You can sink into your father's mind. I can fall into the family trap. It's on my mind and conscience all the time. I was too much of a coward for you to be mine. You go silent when I need your words. Tell me all the things that you'd say to her.
You know it'll always track me down. Being watched on the edge of town. But I'm not scared anymore.
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