Secrets Spill Over

by Paul Gonzenbach

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    Handsome artwork. Good/sad tunes. Also: will make all of your dreams come true.

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $5 USD  or more

     

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about

All songs written, performed and recorded by Paul Gonzenbach.
Mixed alone in a dark room by Erik Blood.
Eric Junge played drums.
Stuart Hake played cello.
Mastered by Adam Straney.

This is the twelfth release from Unspeakable Records.

credits

released May 20, 2014

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Paul Gonzenbach Seattle, Washington

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Track Name: An Obligation You Blew Off
You know you're old enough to fend for yourself. Not quite old enough to care. Keeping inspiration on the shelf. Comparisons were never fair. Wishing for someone with genuine warmth. When's the last time you found that? And I can feign an interest. It seems I owe you that. And you collect your trinkets. And we pursue our separate paths. An obligation you blew off. An expectation you didn't meet.

When you were 18, your life had a center of gravity. A personality, a feeling of exclusivity. Where did the drive go, the sense of devotion? When was the last time you had that? And I can feign an interest. It seems I owe you that. And you collect your trinkets. And we pursue our separate paths. An obligation you blew off. An expectation you didn't meet.
Track Name: The Edge Of Town
And so I quietly hung up, and I'm dreading the next phone call I take even if it's just from you. Whenever you're awake, I can't think of what to do with myself. It runs in my family. It's lodged in my brain. It's coursing through my veins. And so it doesn't really matter if the words I'm saying ever reach your ears or have any purpose at all. And always I'm ashamed of everything I've done and said. It runs in my family. It's lodged in my brain. It's coursing through my veins.

And even now I don't quite understand how it works. They fill in each other's emptiness, smooth out where it hurts. And you're not attracted to anyone who's attracted to you. No point in getting embarrassed like you normally do and beach yourself.

Who needs this? I can't say that things are going all that well. It fits my personality. I'm drawn into a world that you've created. And I am slowly realizing that I don't need it. You can sink into your father's mind. I can fall into the family trap. It's on my mind and conscience all the time. I was too much of a coward for you to be mine. You go silent when I need your words. Tell me all the things that you'd say to her.

You know it'll always track me down. Being watched on the edge of town. But I'm not scared anymore.
Track Name: A Petty Thief Slurs His Speech
Now I'm not hoping this will save me. I might believe the lies. I might sit by and watch you trade me. Hands grip my thighs. Now I can die smiling, the headlights in my eyes. The will to leave is wilting. Take my wrist, my wrist. A petty thief, a lack of imagination. I slur my speech. It's my new recreation. Are you afraid? Maybe just the tiniest bit? 'Cause I'm afraid. Keep 'em coming, hit after hit.

Now there's no hesitation when you're blocking my way out. I wish I could untwist my face, put on the perfect pout. My mouth surprises no one. I don't believe it's real. No question that it's loaded, and our time is up.

A pyrotechnics display. I want you all the way through the loop. We're like a train slowing down, screeching and pushing you around.

A petty thief, a lack of imagination. I slur my speech. It's my new recreation. Are you afraid? Maybe just the tiniest bit? 'Cause I'm afraid. Keep 'em coming, hit after hit. My middle age. Where is your advice to me 'cause I can't wait. What are words supposed to mean? Do you believe that someone's god is watching you. We bob and weave. There's one more thing that we can do for tonight.

A pyrotechnics display. I want you all the way through the loop. We're like a train slowing down, screeching and pushing people forward in their seats.
Track Name: Pacific Spray
All the cracks in your walls. All the unpacked boxes. Been there for weeks. When you answer the phone, calls from Mom once again, you don't say a thing. You struggle to make your brain work. You drive at night to the ocean. Oh, Pacific spray.

You quit your job by just not showing up one day. You broke up with him by just not returning phone calls.

If you were me, what would you say? It's not like it's all your fault. And you have to admit it's not like you're blameless. Will you keep me in mind?

You could hardly tell me the man was right in front of you. You were faking sick so you could hide out.

Oh, the sand between your toes. Oh, the shock of the cold water on your stomach. Oh, it's a crime you're not here with me. Keep on your toes until your feet don't touch the bottom.

When you're using your phone again, will you call me?
Track Name: Try Not To Be Funny
So unlock the door on the driver's side. Try not to be funny when you ask for a ride. You do 'cause you know that I can't say no. And it's cheaper than bus fare and faster, and you know I won't ask any questions anyway. And you know that I'll stick around for your getaway even if I say that I won't.

Hey, drunk! Keep 'em coming. If it spins when you close your eyes, then don't close your eyes. Hey, drunk! Keep 'em waiting. They can leave when you're done, not a minute before. You'll make sure of that.

Lord, I've paid in my own way time upon time and time again for the way that I helped you, the easier I made it for you. We wanted fire. We got dove grey and impossibly beautiful sitting on the grass on the hill above the housing development.

Once is one time too many. I won't see this neighborhood anymore. I poked the same tender spot out of morbid curiosity.
Track Name: Consequence
Results are in, and you know it's not your fight. Your next of kin won't be notified tonight. And just in case you were hoping I could help, I might erase every trace of how we felt. And if you stay in sight, you're freshly gone and hardly there. And if we sleep tonight, then we might end this endless stare. I know it's mystifying how you could miss the greatest signs. Consciousness dividing. Your father laughs. Your mother sighs. Another chance to miss, another option to dismiss. We haven't got the sense. We'll never face the consequence.

I don't make mistakes as big as this one. Tempting fate with no excuse to lean on.

One way or another, secrets will spill over.
Track Name: Break Your Lease
I have always thought of you as so calm, logical. You comb through the internet for opinions you can adopt. What does it take to move you? How long do you wait on the sidelines? Do you take your sweet time?

This might only be in my brain, oh oh. My hot, swampy brain. My tired, overworked brain.

I have always said to you: time will take every precious thing to an abrupt ending.

This could make you break your lease on your rented house, oh. Your cold, draughty house. Your damp, empty house.

Spring mornings are cold and weeds are all wet in front of your rented house. You get in your car and you stare at the wheel for ten minutes before backing out. One can never know another entirely, and I will never truly catch up with you. But whatever you do, pick up your socks, and don't get on the sex offenders list.
Track Name: Your Real Father
The trains are all stopped. The platform is one body. It breathes much too quickly. It heaves toward the stairs. It exhales your name. It keeps you from falling forward, from keeling over from the heat. To tell you the truth, you were the one who ruined you. You accomplished something. Congratulations from my heart.

Even you can admit that you had real talent, something of value, some kind of spark. It never had a chance. It never had a hope to blossom into something meaningful.

There were lots of people who were stronger than you. It was never some great shock to people that you knew. And you wilt a little bit when you think about that time and what's come of your mind. It was just last year that you met your real father. He told you you looked good, that you're your mother's daughter. You've since heard from him once. A birthday card in June, said he could call you soon. Love, Tom.

Leaning against the train schedule, you avoid contact with the person standing next to you. You listen to his conversation closely, a reprieve from the voices in your mind. If you could pin it down, the reason you're in bed on your days off. It's a constant dread. You see yourself choosing books over friends. It's no great shock to them. If you sell your records, you might have enough for a weekend in the countryside away from all the trains.
Track Name: The Wind Whistles
My mind is seldom clear. My thoughts and actions, permanently impure. My conscience will be my guide when I find it. Your niece is getting tall, and it's so hard to see it. And time will claim us all. Your phone will be your guide until you get there.

Everything had already been decided for you when you were pulled into this world.

We speak just like the wind whistling through hollow place, void of any meaning. But you can call me a friend when you need it.

I'll be waiting at the bottom of a pool with the silence all around me. Fed up with your frailty. And I know if I should surface, I'll disappoint you again. Oh, traffic stretches out before you. Fumbling with your radio. Do you hear your family talking about everything you're throwing away? But instead, you lean back in your seat, breathing slowly.

Everything had already been decided for you when you were pulled into this world. Everything was leading to this moment. Have you ever felt this feeling before?
Track Name: Worse For You Than Smoking
When you've had too much to drink and the night is nearing its end, smiles can mean too many things, my friend. You throw the car in reverse with a thud. There's no right way to say, had your way, forced your hand right away. You don't need a reason to stop in the parking lot of a disused dollar store. It's all I've got, and you want more. Taken twice for the first round. It's an easy way to remember my name. It will be over soon, and you'll be drunk by noon.

Oh, needles on the back of your neck. This is the first time you've asked for something that you can't have. People who we both respect gave us a roadmap for this kind of wanting.

"And so..." you said in a whisper, but no other words followed. It's easy to see why you are you and I am me. There were words in the air last night to be plucked and given meaning. It's only fair that you should tear them from me.

Oh, needles on the back of your neck. This is the first time you've asked for something that you can't have. People who we both respect gave us a roadmap for this kind of wanting. Oh, keeping quiet to ourselves would have worked for us very well sometime last night. Even when it's clear to you, I could use a little explanation. It's all almost over now. Hold your breath. Confirm with your own two eyes. It's worse for you than smoking now. You try to speak, but you've forgotten every word again.

Left to chance, what you could give tonight, and what you've taken from both of us. This might enhance your will to live tonight, or this could kill it with sweating hands. Your voice tells me you don't have a reason. Why can't we shake hands and call it even, try it again tomorrow night?
Track Name: Say You're Wrong
Hiding like you're afraid of the light. Say you're wrong even though you know you're right. Haunted 'cause your heart is full of stupid things just like mine. Call me in the night with your eyes wide open, your eyes wide open.

You fantasize about working the graveyard shift. It's a great way to not be missed.

Evaporated in your first year, and still it took two more to admit it to your mom and dad. Brother's doing well. Then the power was cut off, and then it was the phone. That's when you got your part-time job paying you under the table.

Haunted 'cause your heart is full of stupid things just like mine. Call me in the night with your eyes wide open. Your eyes wide open.

-cough- How was that?